Tuesday, June 26, 2007

6-24-07

More processing of the last days events and my time here has brought me to a little bit different place. I think that my place here is in the classroom. God has gifted me with the passion and ability to teach and I am using what He has given me to help His children in a destitute land. I feel most connected and engaged in the classroom lately and have to cling to that to get me through the other emotions. Also being aware of my disconnect and my displacement here and the impacts I can and do make is very important and I am glad that I can critically think about it. I feel like my purpose here is 2 fold. 1 to offer ideas and methods in the classroom and 2 to empower the teacher I am working with to know that he is worthwhile and what he does is important and that he has expertise and should make his voice heard to make changes (if that is what he wants). The idea of getting an acholi to think critically is a very huge endeavor. A byproduct of oppression is no critical thinking and we are seeing that every day in multiple ways. In the discussion with the ambassadors wife a student asked if the way African Americans dressed was bad. We were a little confused by the question but he wanted us to tell him if it was good or bad. We said what do you think, and he just sort of stared. He didn't want to know what he thought he wanted us to tell him what to think. That happens a lot in the classroom. Students are not taught to question or investigate but are just spoon fed information to memorize for tests. A student asked me to redo a problem once and I said no. I told him he had to show me what he didn't understand because if I just redid it the same way nothing would change. He was so confused.

We went to Holy Rosary church. It was packed out. It was odd because the priest was white and I think from Verona. We sat in the back and side in a sea of kids. It took them a while to get used to our presence but they eventually did. Jamie, an intern that lives with us, did a reading and he is volunteering and singing in the choir so that was neat. Catherine and I discussed that the Christian religion here is sort of an affect of colonialism and therefore oppression. It is hard to take because they think they know but I don't think they do. A lot of people who identify themselves as Christians will, when something really bad happens, go straight to the witch doctor.

Sunday's Doreen is off so we cook dinner together. We made spaghetti and bruschetta. It was yummy and fun to cook. It is an adventure cooking for so many people when there is no running water and you have to boil all the water you use.

Then I tried to watch arrested development on dvd. Not my kind of show.

6-23-07

Today we went to the internet in the morning. It is such a blessing to get posts and emails from friends that are praying for me and thinking of me and supporting me. It means so much to me.

At 11ish we got in a matatoo (van) and headed to Awer (away) IDP camp. The history here is that the UPDF told the people of northern Uganda that they had X amount of days (maybe 2) to move into these camps a few years ago so that they could protect them from the LRA easier. Unfortunately, they were not able to protect them completely and there were many raids on the camps. Now that the conflict is over (at least for now) the people are still in these camps because they really don't have anything to go home to. For most of them their gardens, fields, and live stock are gone and even their homes are not in livable condition. As for the kids, the schools are not there. Most have been displaced closer to the camps. Invisible Children is really trying to implement programs and repairs to help these people get out of this situation. One way is the bracelet campaign. The bracelets are made in the camps by the people there to help them make some money. There are small financial assistance opportunities and initiatives to try to foster economic independence and growth.

On the way there I felt very strange. I have learned a term, conflict tourism, and I felt that I was doing that. I wanted to see the braclet makers and meet them and such but the fact that we had to go to this camp made me feel uneasy.

That is a constant tension here. What am I doing and what are my motivations? I do not want to become the oppressor and it is so hard because you are viewed that way because of your skin. Automatically you are right and an expert or here to display your power or dominance or spend all this money that you have in your pocket. It is a tension that I am aware of and try to be conscious of when making decisions and in interactions. It doesn't seem to be such an issue in the classroom because I think that my teacher really understands that I am here learning and to give ideas and to exchange but not to change or teach or implement but it was an issue in the camp. We went with our group of 6 teachers, megan and Christine (HEALS volunteers) and Valerie and her friend who works in Rwanda.

When we arrived we drove right up to the hut where the bracelet makers were. We sat with them for a few minutes and heard walter, the leader of the makers, speak about what they do and how they are chosen and also the extra programs he has implemented like the micro-loans and vision for the future. It is good to know that he is thinking ahead because he even said that the bracelet making will not be forever and hopefully they will not be in the camp too much longer. The bracelet makers are chosen. Many are widows or widowers, returnees, disabled, and child mothers. Even in that I think that there is tension. Obviously we did not witness it but I am sure that there is hostility towards the people who are chosen.

Then we were given "jobs" to do. It felt very contrived and sort of like a cover to come see the camp.

Phil and bryan pumped water and filled jerry cans and carried them to the huts. It seemed great but the act of carrying a woman's jerry can is not looked upon favorably. They are given a hard time for not carrying it themselves and especially if it is a man carrying it and a munu at that. They said that some people got upset when their jerry can wasn't getting filled. Amy informed us that sometimes there is a pecking order and not really about first come first served. She wasn't there with us. And the thing is is that walter gave us our jobs and set us there with directions that seem maybe to have been not what the people there want. It makes me think of that oppressor mentality that sometimes the oppressed take on the job and nature of their oppressors even to their own people.

Megan and seth sold items in the little market area. Pretty much they just sat there and talked with the people. But it seemed very strange because they just sat by these people who really didn't have any interest in sitting with them.

Catherine, margo, and I cleaned out this old room at the clinic and moved boxes of supplies into it. I mean I guess that was work that needed to be done but I definitely felt strange thinking about these people sitting there waiting all day to be seen by the few nurses and doctors while I come in in my name brand sneakers and capris and move some boxes like I am actually doing something. Its that tension of the desire to help and the idea that you may be doing more harm than good.

Much of the feelings these people have about whites comes from colonialism and oppression.

It is kind of odd writing this now because it is actually Monday the 25th. So I have had more time to process things and I am assuming my feelings will even change more as I am here longer. So this issue will come up again and different perspectives of it will arise.

So after we got back we just sort of hung out at the house for the afternoon, played scrabble and sort of regained our breath.

I took a shower, which is always an event, and just sat around thinking. I wasn't reflecting intentionally it was just one of those times that your brain keeps thinking and you really have no control over it.

One thing that came to my mind that is really hard to swallow is that there is a little part of this experience that is just for me. Its not about serving or giving or anything it is about me and what the Lord wants to teach me here. Being in an IDP camp seeing these things made me feel so selfish. Like I was there just to have the experience. Wrestling with that has been challenging.

6-22-07

Today was a good and busy day. Catherine and I had our Friday morning walk and it was a little rainy again. It is nice. It rains a good bit here, on average once a day or every other day. When the rain skips days, or 3 like earlier this week, it gets soo dry and dusty.

After we went to the internet we met the new teachers at Bora Bora for lunch. I love the sweet potatoes there. It is different than our sweet potatoes, these are white. One of the new teachers knows some people who are pushing to get orange sweet potatoes in this region because they are high in vitamin A and there are a lot of people in developing and 3 rd world countries who have diseases because they are vitamin A deficient. Interesting.

After lunch we took a few of the teachers around some of the outside market and to the internet café. It was strange because I am not an expert of the area by any means and I know that I wanted to know where some things were at first but the best way to learn the area is just to explore. I feel like it is totally safe during the day to walk around and explore. I like to go by myself or with one other person. I don't really like walking through town in a big group of munus because its either like a Disney parade or you can also encounter some hostility. Nothing major just looks and maybe a comment or two.

After that I walked around a bit and then met Patrick to plan. I am going to teach Mondays lesson pretty much alone and then the next lesson we are both doing investigative activities and we are going to compare them. That is the lesson that will be videoed so that should be interesting.

After that seth and I went to dance. It was fun. We did all the dances we have been doing plus the ax one. I cant remember the name but it is the mating dance and there is a part where the boy puts his arm on your shoulder and pulls you around. It was funny to watch the kids realize that they are going to have to do this with a munu. They were squirming and laughing, but they did it and it was fun.

As we were walking out we met up with Jamie, Catherine, and margo. The 5 of us went to this hill Jamie had found to watch the sunset. It was so nice. Unfortunately it was too cloudy to see the sunset but it was a good time none-the-less. The highlights were:

the fact that we had a bottle of wine we all drank out of and sprite and bagged vodka cocktails. That's right the vodka comes in bags.

I fell a little down the hill and busted up my knee pretty well.

We met a ton of the people that live around there and they seemed pretty nice.

We ran and danced and sang our way home in the dusk and then dark. It was amazing fun!

I don't know if I have written that I have instituted hugs here at the volunteer house. It is funny how physical touch is something that we all need. Things like that and just being here have made me realize what an amazing family I have at home. I am so blessed with brothers and sisters through my friends. My heart overflows when I start thinking about how well my Lord loves me through His children. I got an email about a prayer time that happened at my apartment. What!? The idea that people even think of me when I am not in the room makes my heart burst and then to plan to get together to pray for me while I am away, I don't have words to describe what that does to me. Thank you so much those of you that have prayed and posted and thought of me. Your love and support mean more to me than I can express.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

6-21-07

The second group has arrived. They seem to be pretty cool people. Laid back and diverse. Angie and I ran this morning. We called it an adventure run because we were lost half the time. It was nice though. And I went to the bathroom again. That is 3 days in a row! Thanks so much for the prayers!

I had to go to the acholi inn for a shower because we still don't have water and we were meeting the u.s. ambassador to Uganda. We all got dolled up and went to the bank of Uganda where his wife was facilitating a book talk with some of the IC scholarship students. IC has developed this scholarship/mentor program that is really great. It pays students school fees and provides mentors to them. Jolee was there as well. After the talk the ambassadors wife opened it up to general questions. The questions ranged from laws on pornography to racism in the u.s. the kids where really knowledgeable about world affairs. We missed the ambassadors speech where he apparently asked us to stand. We met him outside before he left and shook his hand and spoke to him briefly. He invited us to the 4 th of july celebration at the embassy in kampala. We will still be in Gulu but it was neat to get an invite. I am pretty sure any American in Uganda is invited. Jolee spoke after the discussion about how great it is to get the students talking and asking questions and encouraged them to keep doing that and keep working hard. She is really an amazing woman. I went up to her and let her know what a presence she had.



Jolly & Brenda

6-20-07

Teaching is going well. Patrick and I have developed this system of taking turns and using what we see works with each other to modify how we do things. Since we teach the same lesson three times we get chances to change our approach and such. It has been interesting to see how he does things and then how I do the same things but just a little differently and then how we modify ourselves in light of what we learn from each other. I have found it difficult to plan because he is so used to just using the book and there is not a lot of time to be able to do extra activities because its not about depth of knowledge as much as breadth.

Josh, who we call peanut butter, has sort of melded into our family unit along with Jamie. We all end up sitting together at night and talking and such. They are really great guys. Josh is so cute about his girlfriend back home and he will be joining the marines in the fall. Jamie is an intern and he might take a year long job here with IC when his internship is up. He is hilarious and such a sweet guy.

We take turns buying fruit and I cut it up (who would have thunk it) but last night I accidentally got our pineapple mixed up with the one Doreen got for our breakfast. She was not too happy this morning and thought that the staff would be mad. She was able to salvage a lot of the pineapple and no one said anything, I cant imagine them complaining. I felt awful and begged for forgiveness and she granted it. She is such a sweet lady I couldn't believe she could be mad at me for long, especially since the acholi culture is so forgiving.

Margo got really sick last night. She has had diarrhea for about 2 weeks but last night it turned into vomiting. We all felt so bad for her. Phil stayed up with her most of the night because we had morning class. We gave her simpro, which is for travelers sickness or something like that. She seemed to be doing a lot better today so hopefully she can get better soon. It is scary to be sick here but so many people are getting sick. I guess its just par for the course.

the way the acholi culture handles madness (insanity) is they just sort of let those people roam around. I don't know what they do if they are violent, I think they put them in hospitals but for the most part they just sort of give them leftover food and let them stay in the hospital when they want. There are 2 "mad" people that roam around Gulu High. One is a man and I have never really had any encounters with him. The other is a woman named francis. I have had multiple encounters with her. We have decided that she sort of seeks me out. I don't know why. I didn't realize what her deal was when I met her so maybe that is why. Well the other day she was right outside our house when I got home. I was getting off of a boda and all of the sudden she was there. I was just like ok see you later. Well she followed me in the gate. We are not allowed to have people inside the gate, especially people we cant trust. Granted she has never been violent but she is just not stable obviously. I was trying to get her to leave and trying to be loud so someone would hear me because I knew amy and Catherine were home. But they never came. Francis got a little agitated and started asking me for money and things. When I told her I couldn't give her anything and she couldn't come in she got more agitated. She started telling me that I shouldn't love money and that she had some. So she lifted up her skirt and pulled this white something out of her underwear and threw in on the ground in front of her sort of at me. I think she was saying it was money. Needless to say I was way unnerved and didn't know what to do so I just started walking in and she luckily left. I tried to talk to amy and Catherine and they didn't seem too upset. Later I found out that they didn't understand what I was talking about and they thought a kid had tried to follow me in. they were much more sympathetic later. I feel bad because I don't want to be scared of francis but I also don't want anything to happen that would be bad for me or her. All this to say today on my way home she was walking from the school and decided to walk with me. Luckily I had a paper i pretended to read and tried to walk quickly. As soon as a boda rode by I hopped on and was in the gate well before she had reached it. If I see her at school I can usually go into a classroom or the staff room and avoid her. If bryan is around he is really good about blocking her.

The second group of teachers arrive today. I am excited to meet them and to see how the dynamics of the house change.

Good day! (6-19-07)

After talking a bit with everyone and expressing my disconnected feeling I felt a lot better. Most people said that they had experienced that and that disconnected was the best way to describe it. Luckily we have all been able to get through it. I think there is just a lot to process being here and sometimes it gets a bit overwhelming.

This morning I got up early and ran with carry (a staff person) we didn't run very far but it was really nice. We have to go super early because the streets get crowded and they are really really unlevel. I got back and had breakfast and margo and I went to st. monica's where Kevin and emmay are staying and took showers. Catherine came after her class. It was absolutely amazing to be able to take a shower and they have fair water pressure. Of course it was cold but it was great and we didn't feel like we had to rush. Plus I went poo twice! Yay! I think it was the running and the coffee. Praise the Lord I have late classes Tuesdays and Thursdays so I am going to run those days and shower before school. I will probably try to run sat. too.

I cant remember if I have blogged about my dress and acholi name. if I have o well you get to hear it again-everyone who knows me is used to hearing the same story a few times. So I bought some fabric from a woman across from the internet place named Vicki. She gave me and margo acholi names. Margos is abeh (abay) which means beautiful and mine is lahker (lakay) which means from a royal family. Katie (the one who stayed in the IDP camp) has the same name and since I am older she owes me a chicken..hilarious! well I took the fabric back to her for her to make a dress. I took it back today for her to alter a bit more. I hope to pick it up maybe wed or Thursday.

Phil and I went to town after school and ran a few errands and we met up with margo and bryan and all decided to go to bora bora and have a drink together. It was a nice time to just sit and chat with each other. That's what we do at the house but it was nice to have a change of scenery.

Disconnected (6-18-07)

Today was a strange day. I felt disconnected all day from everything, the people, the town, the school, the teachers. We said goodbye to the roadies last night and the house is a lot quieter. I was really tired so after my first class I came home and took a nap and ate a banana. Patrick and I didn't get to plan for that lesson because I had the wrong cell phone number so I just sat and listened most the time. We planned for the rest of the week but I think next week I am going to try to get him to plan more detailed so that we can really work on teaching together and documenting what we do.

I haven't gone to the bathroom since sat. this stinks.